Meaningless Words
by MissingMommy
Summary: This isn't the way it was supposed to go. :: RemusSirius, for Lizy.


For Lizy. Darling, 18 is a big deal. I hope that you enjoy adult life. And I hope that you enjoy some Wolfstar.

For Modwarts – prompts used: determined and see. Genre: hurt/comfort. Must repeat one sentence 5 times – "This isn't the way it was supposed to go".

For House cup – lyrics – "I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living"; emotion – restless; object – table; color – grey.

_i_

"This isn't the way it was supposed to go," he says.

You glance up from your homework that he'll surely copy from later. "And how was it supposed to go, then?" you ask. But you already know what he means without him telling you.

He pulls at his not silver-and-green tie as if it personally offended him. He takes off anything with the Gryffindor red-and-gold, leaving him in nothing but a crisp white shirt and black slacks, because if those colors aren't on his body, he can pretend for a little while that he isn't a shame to his family. He can pretend that his family doesn't hate him.

"I don't know," he replies. "Just not like this."

_ii_

"This isn't the way it was supposed to go," he whispers regretfully.

It's not a tone you're used to hearing from him; he's a lot of things, but regretful isn't one of them. It's still not enough to make you open your eyes. Because when you do, you have to face reality.

He still whispers to you, his words echoing in the empty Hospital Wing. "But this is how it went, and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am."

He betrayed you. He broke his promise to you, and you're not sure if there is any amount of "I'm sorry"s in this world that can fix that. So you keep your eyes closed, trying to figure out a way to forgive the person that means the most to you.

_iii_

"This isn't the way it was supposed to go," he murmurs against your skin.

His arms are wrapped securely around you, and his lips are trailing burning kisses down your neck. And for a while, you forget to breathe, too lost in those feelings.

"I was supposed to be a Slytherin," he says, emphasizing the statement with a kiss. "I was supposed to marry a Pureblood, a woman on top of that."

His words bring you back down to Earth. You push him away, trying to retort. But he leans into your ear and whispers, "But I have you, and it doesn't matter how it was supposed to be."

He presses his lips against yours hard, determined to show you how much you really mean to him.

_iv_

"This isn't the way it was supposed to go," he mutters.

You're laying side by side on the bed in one of James' spare rooms. His bag – that holds everything he owns now – is sitting at the end of the bed. His hands are interlaced with yours.

You squeeze it comfortingly. "I know," you whisper.

The two of you fall into silence, and for once, you don't feel the need to mumble meaningless word to him.

_v_

"This isn't the way it was supposed to go," he growls, pacing back and forth.

His grey eyes are smoldering with anger deep inside. You tap your bed, changing it back from the makeshift table into a bed, and stand up. You grab his shoulders, effectively stopping his restless pacing. "What's wrong?"

"I overheard Snape talking about Regulus," he starts. His fingers twitch as he tries to control the urge to pace again. "He said that Regulus took the Mark."

You release him from your grip, allowing him to move. You know how much this is tearing him up. He was close to his brother growing up, even when they didn't see eye to eye. But their relationship had become very strained when he was placed in red-and-gold instead of green-and-silver. But that didn't stop him from caring about Regulus.

"This wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have been a coward and left," he whispers.

You shake your head. "You don't know that."

He turns to look at you, and when you do, you see nothing but regrets of what could have been. You cross the room and wrap your arms around him tightly. "This was his choice. He decided to take the Mark. You can't beat yourself up over something he decided to do."

He resigns himself to be held, letting you shield him from the world.

**A/n** **– so many thanks to Pam who beta'd this over Skype chat with me, because she's the bomb. **


End file.
